Anbu The Tales Not Told
by inkspot823
Summary: Why was Itachi promoted? What do the masks mean? And what in the world does that silly squiggle on the Abnu members' shoulder stand for? Silly insiders info on the Anbu!


AN: Little tidbits about the Anbu that I wrote while on medication, or some sort of sugar induced mood. Be warned; they are all rather strange.

I own nothing- don't rub it in!

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If you ask anybody who's ever been in the Anbu to explain what it's like, the answer would be quite sketchy. Some groan from memories of battles, some become sad at the though of friends lost, and others get a very strange grin on their faces and refuse to explain why. The truth is that the Anbu have more secrets than just where they go and what they do. Many have secrets that lie in Konoha itself, and often know more secrets about the regular jounin then the jounin know. But again, their secrets, no matter what kind, never leave the Anbu.

If you had asked Kotetsu why he wears that strange cloth over his nose, he would simply refuse to answer you, saying that he could not recall why, and that he just always has. But in truth, his friends have much fun at his and Izumo's expense.

Kotetsu and Izumo had been drinking one night with some of the members of the Anbu. Somebody had randomly put a mask over Izumo's chin, and strapped a piece of cloth over Kotetsu's nose. Other things had happened that night as well, such as drawing lines on Itachi's face with a permanent marker, introducing Anko to body fishnets, and dying Yuugao's hair purple.

Anyways, Kotetsu and Izumo were talking together, as they are often seen doing, and actually disagreed on something. They couldn't decide who looked sexier with the stuff on their faces. Things turned into a full blown argument, and eventually they couldn't even remember exactly what they had been arguing about. So they ended up challenging each other, deciding to see who could waltz around in public with their new face ornaments on the longest.

As of yet, neither of them as won or lost.

If you ever ask why Ebisu wears glasses, he would simply push them farther up his nose, and huffily tell you that it's none of your business, or smirk and say that he thinks that they make him look rather good. Truth? Hardly.

Ebisu is in fact, a very affectionate drunk, and one of Konoha's biggest perverts. However, some people are not quite as affectionate under the influence. And Ebisu unfortunately found one of those.

Happily drinking, Ebisu came over and randomly draped his arm around the shoulders of a female Anbu member. When she yelled at him to get off, he laughed, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. She quickly shrugged him off, and he received a fist to the eye.

Now sporting a quickly blackening eye, he was offered a pair of round sunglasses that would hide the shiner, since nobody was sober enough to try and heal him. He accepted them gratefully, and wore them proudly. But when his eye had healed enough for him to take the glasses back off, he had found out just how much... _ogling_... he could get away with, and kept wearing them.

You'd be surprised to find out where's he's looking, and he's no longer a big drinker just to be on the safe side.

Several people have asked why Kakashi wears the dog mask, and being the lazy man he is, he'll simply tell them that he thinks the dog is a good choice because he's lazy like a dog, or go off on a long winded bogus explanation of how it symbolically represents his fighting style.

Actually, the dog mask was not his original mask. It was _changed _to the dog mask. Why? Back when Kakashi first joined the Anbu, he was young, and liked to hit the bottle hard in attempts to ease the pain he felt both emotionally and physically.

As you can guess, this lead to several very awkward mornings. Kakashi can actually say that he has 'slept' with everybody in Anbu. After passing out on somebody's bed, Kakashi would often wake up the next morning, laying on somebody, with several more people piled on top if him. He did it so many times, that he earned the name of 'Anbu's Bitch,' a title he would not claim readily unless _very _drunk.

Eventually, he was given the dog mask in replace of his old mask (which had been broken) and after that, he became the dog everybody knew, loved, and sometimes feared. He doesn't really drink anymore. It saves him from having to explain things.

People have asked Hayate why he coughs so much, and Yuugao how she can put up with his constant respiration problem. Hayate will cough as he laughs at you, and Yuugao will smile at the memory, but both of them will tell you that it's just the way life is.

Hayate coughs because he never sleeps. Silly? Not at all. When your body is deprived of sleep, your immune system wears itself down; and thus, Hayate is always sick. But why does Hayate never sleep?

Part of the reason is because he works too hard, putting a lot of extra hours in with the other paper ninja. The other part of the reason is Yuugao herself. On the few nights a week, or a month in some cases, that she's back in the village, they spend all their time (mostly at night) together.

Knowing this, I bet your wondering why Yuugao isn't constantly plagued with sickness too, right? Well, she gets to sleep in the morning after Hayate leaves for work.

On average Hayate gets about 15 hours of sleep of week, but neither he nor Yuugao have yet to complain. And he never coughs around her, anyways.

A lot of people wonder why Itachi was chosen to become Head of Anbu if he was already showing signs of 'betraying' the village. The elders will explain that the signs were unclear, and that his talents made him well suited for the job.

The elders had nothing to do with Itachi's promotion. The previous Head of Anbu promotes a new Head, and if the Head falls in battle, the Hokage calls all of the Anbu together to vote on it. Itachi was chosen to be the new Head of Anbu when Kakashi decided to quit, and return to being a regular jounin. It is very lucky for Kakashi that nobody knows who the Anbu really are, because several people would have a bone to pick with him if they knew he had promoted Itachi.

But the entire reason Kakashi picked Itachi to succeed him was because he knew it would piss the older members on Anbu off. Since he himself had been a young captain, the older members always gave him a hard time. It was Kakashi's way of saying 'pay back, bitch!' Also, he thought that the similarities between their names were just too funny. Some of the Anbu members have caught him trying to say 'Itachi, Kakashi,' three times fast. He claims it's harder to do through a mask.

And that is why Itachi became the Head of Anbu.

Several people have asked what the Symbol stands for that all the Anbu members have tattooed on their left or right shoulders. Most will tell you that it's the symbol of a burning leaf, symbolizing the best of Konoha. But hear-say is often not true.

In all honesty, the symbol was nothing more than an accident. Way back when the First Hokage was still alive, he decided to come up with a symbol for the Anbu members. However, he had little success, and was drowning his sadness in sake as a result of his non-existent art skills. His brother, the Second Hokage came in, and was pretty much tied to chair and stripped half naked so the First could draw all over him. Can you imagine the look on the Assistant Hokage's face when they walked in?

Anyways, after waking up the next morning to find his brother still tied to a chair, the First took a good look at his work before untying his brother and making a run for it. The Third was still little at that point, but even he knew enough to blush and cover his ears at the Seconds stream of profanity.

Another commonly asked question is about the masks. What types are there, and how do go about deciding who gets what? The method for choosing masks can be a bit unorthodox, (as seen) but most are pretty basic. Have a go yourself and decide on what type, and what color suits you best.

A red mask means one is cunning, and often brave. Often time's leaders will wear red masks, but not always. It could also just mean they have a fire-type chakra.

A blue mask means one is calm and level headed often a healer or the person who keeps the group together. They are often the best strategists too. Water-type chakra users tend to prefer blue masks.

A yellow mask means one is quick. The Fourth Hokage had a yellow mask. They are often the comedian and quick to jump the gun in a fight. They are also usually insanely curious. Most yellow masks are kept on a short leash for this reason. Yellow is also popular for lightning-type chakra users.

Green masks tend to be the down to earth ones. Literally. They often have earth based chakra types, are calm and collected, and tend to be rather quiet. They love people, but too much love is not good for them. Handle the green with care!

Orange mask wearers tend to be genjutsu users more than anything else. Why? Apparently orange is a trippy color when you're stuck in a genjutsu. And if you think their easier to spot because of the orange, wrong again. Their _genjutsu _users. Why wouldn't they mask the color of their face?

Grey masks are found far and few in between. It's hard to get a grey mask. It singles that person out as a loner, much better suited to lone missions than working with a group, and they have a tendency to be very forbidding. Most specialize in torture and interrogation, it's nearly impossible to extract information from them, and they tend to be the veterans and the loneliest. But grey masks can also mean that they specialize in a wind-based chakra style.

Light purple mask wearers are special. They're the special branch dedicated to the Hyuuga family, and where as many Hyuuga members will argue that the color was given to the family as a sign of respect, most take it as a big ass warning. If their wearing a purple mask, be warned, and don't piss off a Hyuuga.

And onto the mask types...

The dog mask. These people are usually the most loyal to the Hokage. They stick to the rules, but bend them to suit their proposes if they think it will help in the long run. They enjoy working in groups, just as long as they aren't the omega-dead last. And on a strange side note, most of them enjoy the outdoors to the point were they don't mind if they _forget _to bring their tents on a mission. Caution: Extremely energetic.

Cat masks are often the sneakiest among the group. They can be fickle and not agree with their given orders. However, it's easy enough to manipulate them into thinking that they want to follow orders if it's in their best interest. Their stealth levels are often the highest, and they are the best suited to recon missions. If an Anbu is spying on you, it's most likely a cat.

The bird, or hawk mask can go two ways (sort of). The person can be either be really flighty and energetic, or an absolute war-monger. Either way, the birds and hawks tend to be a bit full of themselves and often underestimate their opponents. If you ever see an Anbu member talking bad to an enemy, it's probably a bird or hawk.

The rabbit. Often not used because the ears are rather difficult to make, the rabbit tends to be given only to women. Let's face it; no man is going to want a bunny mask strapped to his face. Rabbits are often softer, and the ones that are most likely to be lenient in a battle, asking if their opponent is repentant before getting serious. And, for what it's worth, rabbits tend to act like, well, rabbits. They'll love on you, and cuddle up to you, buy you a few drinks, and the next thing you know, you end up waking up in someone else's house. Word to the wise, don't hit on a rabbit! … Or do. I guess it depends on your preference.

The mouse is often the quietest, and specializes primarily in evading traps. A mouse could figure out how to make it through the toughest security, steal your most precious scrolls and leave without ever leaving a sign that they were there. Their minds work fast, but they learn the best through trial and error, so be careful with them. Also, although it may be obvious, they tend to not like cats. Their personalities differ a bit too much....

The dragon mask tends to be a hard mask to achieve. They are calm people to talk to, but ferocious in battle. Wise and well educated, but not conceited. Dragons often make the best teachers, because unless severely pissed off, they can keep their cool in a battle, while fighting off the enemy, and directing others. However, they tend to be bookworms and spend hours in the library just reading. Also, never ask to share food with a dragon. Food is like gold, and they horde it all to themselves.

The tiger. Ummm... They tend to be a bit more ferocious than the regular cats, but it's pretty much just a way to boost a guy's ego. There's not that much of a difference.

The monkey tends to be the most nimble. They think on their feet and are extremely loyal to their friends. If you're in a fix, pray that one of your friends is a monkey. However, they can be extremely curious, often times getting into trouble, and word to the wise, never treat a monkey to dinner. They want to try everything, and they will _finish _everything if you give them a chance.

Lastly is the snake mask. The snake mask was discontinued for obvious reasons. Anko is the only person who still has a snake mask, but she was given another to wear on special missions, and the snake mask she has is stored somewhere in the back of her closet so that she never has to see it again.

And this has gone on quite long enough. Moving on!

Another question (although not as commonly asked) is why you never see the leaf symbol written somewhere on an Anbu member. It stands to reason that since they are ninja of Konoha that they should have the leaf symbol somewhere. Actually, this answer goes two ways, and you should be warned in advance that the second reason isn't as obvious as the first, and far stranger. Brace thy self.

Reason one is that they wear their hitai-ite behind their mask, and that the reflective metal is covered by the porcelain mask. This is the most common way to do it, and often the most widely excepted because the metal is not allowed to show.

Reason two is that they wear their leaf symbol somewhere else. The original idea was to have it sown onto the inside of one of their pockets, but one of the guys lost a bet at some point and had the metal leaf symbol sown onto the front of his underwear. Since then, they have been sown on everything from underwear to panties, from thongs to bras, from shirts to pants, from sashes to scarves, and at one point, the inside of someone's shoe. Why the Anbu insist on having the leaf symbol sown onto their underwear is a mystery best left unsolved. Or at least, that's what the Hokage thought when Ibiki asked if he could research the mental patterns of the Anbu members.

And the last question in this round, Tenzou. Everybody wants to know about Tenzou. Honestly, for all my ninja skills, it's hard to find information on him because the poor child was locked in a box for several years of his life.

However, if any of you feel like taking on the Anbu's toughest security, and challenging the Anbu's toughest traps and genjutsu's, and fight some of the Anbu's toughest members to get at the well guarded vault full of information about all the Anbu members, call me and tell me what you've found. In fact, call me before you attempt that, and after if you make it back alive. I'd go myself, but I want to live just a little longer. Besides, there are other areas I have yet to explore in the Anbu headquarters, and I expect you will want a full update when I return! ;)

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AN: What do you guys think? Silly, huh? If you want me to do another, write me please. And if you have a question you'd like thrown in there, even better! I'd be happy to see if I can answer all your questions!


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